That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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