marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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