i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
