my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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