I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
