all she had left on were here heels. phone five
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
