I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
