it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
