It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
