hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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