Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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