Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
