Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
