He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
