My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
