Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
