Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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