What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
