i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
false alarm. still invincible.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
