4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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