i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
