We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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