Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize