Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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