Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
