A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
