i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
