my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
