Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
