Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
