his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
