The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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