So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize