All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
