I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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