i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
