My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
