MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
