our cab driver is having phone sex.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
