Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
