i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
