dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
