She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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