Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
