i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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