Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize