You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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