Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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