My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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