You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize