She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
