I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
