one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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