This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
