No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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