It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
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