giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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