I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
