Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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