i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
