Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
