peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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