Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
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