i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
