Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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