I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
