I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize