I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize