i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
