dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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